From the Trash Dump to the Table: Reclaiming Your Identity and Defeating Spiritual Warfare with Melanie Cox

"There's an actual courtroom in heaven, and every word you speak out of your own mouth gets used as evidence in it, for you or against you."

That is how I opened this episode of The Jesse Wood Show, and I meant it. My guest, Melanie Cox, is a mom of five, a CEO, and the author of You Have to Know. She wrote her entire first book believing she was dying. It was supposed to be five copies for her kids. Instead it hit number one on Amazon and has won three awards.

We had only just met, and it already felt like we were long lost siblings. If you have ever needed someone to tell you plainly who you actually are, this conversation is for you.

A Book Meant for Five Readers

Melanie walked through depression, years of infertility, and a season where she thought she would not be here for her kids. Her first thought was about what she was leaving them.

"I just remember thinking, oh, I've left them so much money. Melanie, you did a great job. But I don't know if I had left them what really mattered at the end of the day."

So she started writing. Every chapter opened the same way: if you feel you are not enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, you have got to know what your Father calls you. She took it to a publisher asking for five copies. The publisher told her this book had to be published. Melanie said absolutely not, and then she prayed. She felt God say, "You want your kids to know. Well, I want My kids to know too."

That is Romans 8:28 in real life. God works all things together for good. Most of the entrepreneurs I know are striving to figure out success. Melanie put pen to paper in one of the worst seasons of her life, and God turned it into something most people only dream about.

Your Father Has a Daddy's Heart

Melanie said something that goes to the center of everything I teach about sonship. We picture God as distant, holding up the sun all day until it swaps places with the moon. That is not His heart.

"The true heart of your Father is a daddy's heart. I want to sit with you. I want to lead you. I want to guide you. I love you, little girl. I love you, my son. And we really miss that. And I think by missing that, we really miss everything."

This is why Identity First is the third step of the BUILDER Blueprint. Before you lay framework, before you do the work, you have to know whose you are. Melanie said it best near the end of our talk: "I am the daughter of the Most High. I am God's little girl. That's who I am."

Living in a Trash Dump, Called to the Table

I read Revelation 12:11 during our conversation: "They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death." Most people stop quoting it after the word testimony. Melanie lived the whole verse. Being ready to die unlocked a freedom most of us never touch.

Her picture of this life stuck with me. If you truly knew what was waiting for you, you would realize you are digging for scraps in a dump. We fight for our piece of the pie, and God says, "I'm calling you to be the pie maker." Our job on earth is to make disciples, and this life is building us for where we will live for eternity.

The Pressing Produces the Oil

Melanie does not pretend life is easy. She has been through more fires than one woman should have to walk through. But at the end of every fire, she finds the same two things: God's provision and God's peace.

"In life there will be tribulation. That is a guarantee. And that word translates to a wine press."

Olives get pressed to release oil. Grapes get pressed to make the best wine. The pressing grows roots deep enough to hold the purpose God created you for. She also talked about pruning. As a gardener, she knows a fruit tree left to grow wild gives watery fruit and breaking branches. "We're pruned for purpose," she said.

And then there is the refining fire. When gold is heated, the dirt and gravel pour out. Melanie's response to her own fires made me laugh out loud: "I'm in a fire. I'mma be shiny. 24 karat, baby, all day long."

Arrest the Thought

I asked Melanie how she discerns between surrendering to God and fighting the enemy. Her answer was immediate: she never surrenders to the devil. Period.

During her fifth year of infertility she lay in bed for almost a solid year. That season taught her you cannot ruminate on what is wrong in your life. Second Corinthians 10:5 tells us to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, and Melanie treats that literally.

"The second that they say you are under arrest, you do not move. You can't move. You're done. That's your thought. I'm sorry. You are under arrest."

Here is her practice, and it is one you can start today:

• When a thought hits, ask: does this lead me closer to God or closer to the enemy?
• If it leads to the enemy, arrest it on the spot.
• Replace it with scripture. There is a promise for loneliness, lack, doubt, and depression.
• Put on praise music and let worship seal what you just declared.

"What drops into your spirit grows roots," she told me. Fear is not the absence of faith. It is putting your faith in the enemy's plan instead of God's.

Words That Hit the Shore

This is where the courtroom comes in. Revelation calls the enemy the accuser, and Melanie believes he uses our own words as evidence. You will never hear her say "I'm depressed" or "I wish." Those words are not allowed in her house. Instead she says, "I'm really struggling with that business decision. But God, I know You're good."

James 1:6 says the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. Melanie painted it this way: a double-minded prayer is a wave that rises and falls and never hits the shore. You declare it, you stand on it, and you thank God before you see it.

She pointed us to the Shunammite woman in 2 Kings 4, whose son died. She would not call it over until God called it over. She went and got the man of God, and her son was raised to life. Melanie calls it the greatest faith declaration in the whole Bible.

Build From Who You Are

Your problems will not stop. They will probably upgrade. What changes is that you stop being moved by them. That only happens when your roots go deep and your identity is settled. You are not a victim of your season. You are a son or daughter of the King, and your Father backs you all day long.

Watch the full conversation with Melanie Cox on The Jesse Wood Show above, and connect with her on Instagram at Melanie Cox or find You Have to Know on Amazon. If you are ready to build your life from identity instead of striving, grab my book and let's build together.